Dear Coach: I Feel Out of Step

July 18, 2024   |   Julie Diamond

What’s the Problem?

I was a Chief Marketing Officer at a global technology company, and rather than take an early retirement, I decided to devote this last lap of my career to supporting a start-up. 

And…whoa..it was not at all what I expected. Of course, I realized there would be many differences, but I had no idea how challenging the experience would be.

The working style is totally different from what I was used to, in terms of values, behaviors, and communication styles – differences probably all enhanced by the fact that I’m by far one of the oldest people in the company. While I thought my expertise would be additive, it feels more like an obstacle; like we’re often speaking different languages. 

To make things even more challenging, my boss is 20 years younger than me. While she’s incredibly smart, she doesn’t have the experience or depth of knowledge that I do, and I feel subject to her unspoken judgments about my age. Sometimes, it feels like she believes my experience is irrelevant to what we’re trying to accomplish. Of course I don’t know what’s actually in her head but our interactions feel fraught.

To use a cliche, perhaps from my generation, she doesn’t see that it’s basically the same wine in a different bottle! 

I need help! How do I communicate my value, get past what feels like age bias, and make my boss see that I have a lot of experience to add?

Sincerely,

Oldie but Goodie

 

What Do We Think?

Dear Oldie but Goodie, 

A career change is hard in any case, and you have added challenges that make it all the more complex. 

Ageism has been a long-time problem in the tech industry, a sector notoriously always looking for the next hot, new thing – and it’s a strange thing to have decades of experience feel almost like a disadvantage. So, let’s discuss.

First, your question tells us that:

  • You expected to be coming into the role of teacher and focused on what you had to give, and it seems you’re actually in the role of student.
  • Since you came in hoping that others could benefit from your insight, you may be over-identified in a teacher role and under-identified with a learner role.
  • This new role is unfamiliar to you, and that feeling is probably unwanted as you are at the peak of your career – who wants to be starting from scratch?

So, exactly how is your problem a power problem? We think:

  • Your sense of power is based on a role that’s not being appreciated. You’ve put all your chips on your experience/expertise power, which isn’t translating here. 
  • Sometimes, expertise power can stop us from being curious and seeing what’s in front of us.

What’s the Solution?

Right now, you’re still hanging on to your old role and your experience/expertise power. To get past this, you’ll need to build another kind of power – your informal power.

A good first step is to lean into your curiosity.

Explore the new culture you’re in with an open mind, build your network, and work on your connections with others. Educate yourself about the start-up culture in 2024, and then see if/how you can translate your experience to this new world. 

The good and bad news is that change is imminent at start-ups, so the way things are today likely won’t be the way things are next week, next month, or next year. We believe one of the secrets of people who are really successful at start-up companies is how easily they’re able to adapt to an ever-changing environment, so try to embrace your new situation and see what you can make of it.

You likely have a lot to gain and contribute. You’ve got this!

 

Each month, we answer questions we often get from the leaders we work with and unpack how, at the end of the day, every problem is a power problem. If you have an issue you just can’t solve, get in touch! We’d love to answer your questions in an upcoming Dear Coach post. Find us at [email protected], or on LinkedInFacebook, or Twitter.